The IRONMAN triathlon is a powerful challenge that measures your physical endurance, willpower, and perseverance. Justin  HYPERLINK "https://www.instagram.com/justin.loutfy/"Loutfy is a competitor in these races, and he actively applies the valuable lessons he has learned from them in his own life. In this episode, he joins Kohila Sivas to share his secrets about personal development, self-discipline, and determination. Justin breaks down simple yet impactful practices in discovering your authentic self and going beyond your limiting beliefs. He also explains how to get rid of society’s unhealthy programming and live your life according to your own terms.

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Unlock Your Potential: Ironman Justin Loutfy On Self-Discipline & Going Beyond Limits

Forgiving His Mom

In this episode, I have the pleasure of meeting with the unstoppable Justin Loutfy. He is a real go-getter who knows how to help people improve their lives, chase after their dreams, and live their purpose. Justin has accomplished some amazing things. He has been in special warfare, and written a book called Never Outworked: Stepping Into The Light. He is an expert at helping others get amazing results in their businesses and real estate. Plus, he is an Ironman competitor and a dedicated dad to two amazing daughters. Justin is all about finding the right balance, and he's here to share his secrets with us, especially if you're looking for personal development and determination. Welcome, Justin. You said it wasn't her fault, she didn't have the right parents herself so then she ended up not being the best mom, but it's almost like forgiving her. how important is that to recognize that at your age?

As parents, we look at these things that happen to us in life, and they can be generational. If you never take that step of forgiveness, then what you come at risk of doing is passing on whatever it is that came to you, to your children. I started to recognize this because I was also starting to have bad habits as a husband and a man I had these negative thoughts and I had to dig into it and figure out, “Where does this come from? Why do you feel this way?” I realized it was because I was still holding onto a lot of anger. When you hold onto a lot of anger as a parent, it affects your ability to love. I knew if I was going to love and give myself to my wife and fully love my kids, the first thing I needed to do was forgive, because I couldn't hold that anger in forever. Otherwise, it would hold me back from giving them love. When I realized that, it made things much simpler for me.

Do you have a good relationship with your mom now?

We're still a little bit distant because we live on opposite sides of the country, but I told her before I have forgiven her for everything that we went through together, and I never held it against her.

Space and time. Does she ever come and visit your daughters? How is that relationship with the daughters, the new grandkids?

My daughters are pretty young though, there's still time.

Getting Into Air Force

Let's talk about how, after getting into the Air Force after you got accepted, are you still in it.

No, I left the Air Force about a few years ago.

What made you make that shift? What happened?

In my last five years in the service, I was in special warfare where I was gone a lot. I'd gone 2 weeks out every month, deployed for 6 months, and I was a new husband. I’m not home a lot to cultivate that relationship as a husband and wife, but we were about to have our first daughter. I knew that if I wanted to continue down this path, I wouldn't be home much so I had to find another route. I started looking at what I qualified for, and what I was able to do outside the military, which brought me to operations, which I jumped into because I said, “I want to be home more. This is what my resume says I can do. Let's give that a shot.”

You learned that from your dad because he was never at home for you.

I wanted to make sure that I was present for my kids because the one thing you always remember is when people show up. You don't always remember like, working, going on trips or providing like, but you remember when people showed up to your swimming, soccer games or whatever. I wanted to make sure that I was there for my kids and also that I'd be home to be a good husband and nurture that relationship with my wife.

Never Outworked

Now you have a book out. What's the name of that book?

The book is Never Outworked: Stepping Into The Light. The reason why I chose Stepping Into The Light is because I realized that over time, especially coming out of the military, we box ourselves into what we can do, and I'm sure you've seen this with teachers, you come out of school, you look at everything that you can do on your resume, everything that, all the keywords that fit, that fit on that piece of paper then you say, “These are the things I'm qualified to do. This is the life that I'm able to do based on this sheet of paper.”

In reality, what we're doing is boxing people in and never letting people pursue their true selves, the purpose that you're here, and the reason why you got created, and help push humanity forward in a way that only you can do. The only way you get to do that is when you step into the light and let go of all of those shackles or that idea preconceived notions of what you can or should do, and you become yourself. That's what I learned through this process. I chronicled all these stories growing up, stories through the military to show people like, “You can make your life whatever you want it to be and try to show that it takes a little bit of work.”

When you step into the light and let go of the shackles of society about what you can or should do, you become your true self.

What does that work look like? I wanted to ask you about two different words that when I was reading your introduction, I had determination and discipline are two words that came up for me when I was reading about you. How did you keep yourself disciplined during you had a broken home, two separate homes, dad's out and mom's not that supportive? How did you grow up to be this determined?

I had reached a point in my life where I reached a bottom. When I was eighteen years old, I had a full scholarship to college. On my first day of college, I got arrested and lost my scholarship. I spent 2 nights in prison in an orange jumpsuit and got a lecture from a man who was about 20 years older than me, saying, “You don't belong here. This is not what you want your life to look like.” Hitting that bottom, made me realize, “I need to put in some work and I need to change the direction I'm going because I don't like where my life is going right now. It's time to get to work.” What I realized, especially from my grandmother and my dad coming here from Egypt, is in this country, you can make your life whatever it is you want it to be.

You can get to work and make your life how you picture it, but it takes work, determination, and discipline. It takes putting yourself in uncomfortable spaces and being willing to step out, speak, and be yourself without worry. Every time I would go after something, I'd put a sign on my wall, “I'd never be out work,” whether I was going to apply to college, trying to get into special warfare, or starting a business. I put that same sign on my wall that said, “Never be outworked.” I wasn't ever outworked in everything, but it's never been outworked in the thing that I'm pursuing, which is finding what I'm capable of. I reminded myself of that every morning.

Training The Mind

You're an example of it's possible. Let's go back to that conversation you have within your mind because my methodology is all about how we train our minds and be, take control of our minds. It's what happened that moment you hit the bottom. When that man was supposed to speak to you, you started speaking to yourself.

The problem was I was trying to get comfortable in an area that I wasn't supposed to be. I had been there for two days and I was starting to try to make friends. I was playing cards with other inmates and this guy snatched me up and said, “Let me talk to you.” What he was doing was saying, “This isn't the place for you to get comfortable.” That's what we do. As people, we find ourselves in this routine or in this area that shouldn't be in, but like, “Let me get comfortable here. Let me get into the routine of things.” It stops you from pursuing that passion, burning, and hunger that you have in you because everybody has it.

Everybody has something inside of them, that best version of them that they're afraid to show out in the world because they're afraid of criticism. You're afraid of what other people are going to think and say. You're going to be afraid of failure and everyone's the same. I'm no different. I still have those fears, but what scares me more is the idea of letting some potential go, of having some unreached ability that I could have done if I was willing to work a little bit harder.

It's about this becoming the average because the school system trains us to be the average, and then you lose that fire inside of you sometimes.

I remember school was originally created to create great workers. That's why we created universities and colleges so that somebody could learn to go be a great worker so that you take in this knowledge like you would when you get to a new job, and then you can repeat and take action on it. The problem with the school system, in my opinion, is all along the way you learn everything you should and shouldn't be. From grade school, you learn all of the jobs that are acceptable, all of the things you should major in, all the things you shouldn't major in, and colleges you should and shouldn't go to. What that does along the way is it starts to box you in, “Let's come back over here. You shouldn't be over there. Come over here.”

What about the person who wants to be a paint dancer, live, and express themselves fully? That isn't accepted in how we normally do school. All along this way, you have to learn how to undo that. Once you start to step into the light, you have to learn to undo all of those things you were taught before so that you can pull the best version of yourself out. I truly believe that every single person was put on this earth to help push the world forward in a way that only you can do. The only way you ever get to see that is if you find that truest version of you.

Every single person was put on this earth to help push the world forward. But the only way you can ever do that is by finding the truest version of yourself.

Sometimes it's hidden among the stories we tell ourselves.

Below all those layers of things that you were told you could be, couldn't be, should be, shouldn't be.

IRONMAN Race And Mountain Bike Ride

We program ourselves and then we start leaving it. What does it take to undo it?

For me, it takes pushing yourself into uncomfortable spaces. There's a mindset or a place that I love mentally. Some people call it staring into the Biss. Some people call it complete exhaustion. I met it when I did my first Ironman race. When I did a 2.4-mile swim, and a 112-mile bike, followed by a marathon at a 26.2-mile run. On mile 18 of the run, I found that I was exhausted mentally and physically and that the thoughts that would come into my head were elementary. The only thing I could tell myself was, “Run 30 seconds at a time.” I did that for 8.1 or 8 miles. The coolest thing about that moment is, that although there were 2000 other people in the race, everyone else disappeared.

It was me staring at myself in the mirror. You find the truest version of you. There are only two things that have ever driven me to that, which one was Ironman and the other was special warfare training. If you get such a raw version of yourself, that's where you get to see what you're capable of. That's where you get to see who you are, who it is under all these layers and layers of things like we talked about, that you programmed along the way and get to see, “This is me. I think I know where I want to go now.”

You meet your true person for the first time in a moment of either you give up or are you going to finish. That's determination.

I'll tell you a story. I took my brother on a bike ride the other day. We went on a bike ride called Glendora Mountain Road. I told him, I said, “We're going to go on an 8-mile ride. It's beautiful, scenic and you're going to love it.” I bike a lot and he doesn't bike at all. I took him without any description of what we were doing. The truth is it was 8 miles up a mountain. The entire time you're riding your bike up this hill and it takes about 1 or 1.5-hour depending on how good of a biker you are. I left him. We started at the bottom. I said, “I'll meet you at the top I left him.” As he's going through this, he's all by himself on your normal cruiser bike while I'm on this fast sleek triathlon bike.

He gets up there and I'm super proud of him. We get back down to the bottom. I said, “Tell me what was going through your head while you were going up the mountain?” He was a little bit hesitant to tell me. I said, “What I picture is, at first you're probably going to be a little mad at me because I put you on this mountain in a slow bike while I've left you on this fast bike and said, ‘I'll meet you at the top,’ then once you get through that, you're going to probably have a little bit of negative self-thoughts because you're pushing yourself to a very uncomfortable space. You're questioning if you can do this. Your mind's going to work through that, but then you're going to accept where you are at some point and you're going to have the most clear thoughts. You're going to have thoughts about what you want to do with your future and stuff.”

He said, “That's exactly what's happened.” He thought about love, like what he wanted in his life with love, in his life with business and with family. He had some ideas about things he wanted to pursue. I said, “That is exactly where I wanted you to be on this bike ride.” Most people never push themselves that far to get to that uncomfortable space where you're face-to-face with you.

That's where you see your determination. It's no longer a word. It is where you there get to feel it.

It doesn't have to be physical. Think about the times you step out on stage speaking. Think about the first time you did a podcast. You're super nervous, anxious, and uncomfortable, but you're pushing yourself into these uncomfortable spaces because you get to see more and more of you.

I'm remembering, I survived. I almost nearly drowned when I was young. One time, we went to Mexico and my husband said, “Let's go scuba diving.” I'm like, “I don't know.” he said, “Let's get you training. These people will come and train you in the pool.” I'm like, “If I get training, I should be okay.: I started validating. I'm a math brain. I'm like, “Good. I calculate it. It's good. Five days of training should do.” I got the training. The day has come to go and plunge I'm sitting on the boat and everyone's leaving. The guy said at the last moment when he put all the equipment, “I have to push you,” because they have to push you like this. He can't just jump.

I said, “You can't push me.” My fear started rising, You can't push me because for someone who drowned, pushing is the last thing I want. Someone has to do for me. He said, “You can't go then.” I said, “Fine. I'll go sit then.” I thought about that moment he described. I sat there by myself, empty and he's gone downstairs doing something else then I went, called him and I said, “You can push me,” then I had the best time in my life down there to be in a world that I could have never seen if I didn't sit and had that conversation with myself. I was proud of myself at the same time. It's a proud moment for you. I think your brother probably felt that too when he got to the top.

You're pushing yourself outside of your boundaries, but you're also finding better and better versions of yourself and furthering that idea of what's possible and what you're capable of. That was the whole reason I wrote the book to open people's ideas of what's possible for their own lives. I got a message and it warmed my heart. Someone reached out and they messaged me and said, “I read your book. What's amazing to me was that you did all this, you joined the military, you're about the same age I was. It showed me that I could do so much more than I ever thought.” I was thrilled because that was the whole reason I wrote it in the first place.

By pushing yourself outside of your boundaries, you find better versions of yourself and discover what you are truly capable of.

Doing Everything Unapologetically

That's the person you wanted to read. Let's go to students and parents. A student is going through life without knowing, “What do I want to do? Where do I want to go?” What's your advice to them, floating around?

Try everything. Don't try to get into one sport that you can get a scholarship. Do everything and do it unapologetically. Don't worry about what other people are going to think. If you have a or yearning to go make ceramics, go make ceramics. It doesn't matter because you're going to find the things that truly light you up and those are the things that you want to stick with.

Explore. It's the best time to explore.

People think there are these predestined paths to success and we always look at success as monetary success. Truthfully, when you look at the most successful people, none of them followed those paths. All they did was follow the thing that made them the most passion and the thing that made them up the most that brought success with it. We don't look at things that way. We look at it as, “We know if you're going to be a doctor, you'll probably make a lot of money. We know if you go to school and become a lawyer, you will also likely have great success. What if you want to sell books on the Internet ‘90s?” That person probably sounded crazy, but now he's one of the richest men in the world because he pursued something that he believed in.

It goes back to our school system. We'd like to box ourselves. The system teaches us to put ourselves in some bucket or category so then we can explore, either that or this.

I'm not anti-school. I've got my MBA and Bachelor. I've gone to all these schools. I think the school has a lot of value. It does when you understand that there are more options out there than what school will teach you.

Book Dedication And Audience

Exploration is what it needs to add more like self-discovery and this type of training that we talked about. Pushing exactly yourself to that uncomfortable place in seeing how you talk to your true self and what you come out of because those moments will determine who you're going to become to give you the clarity because I think your brother got clarity there. Who did you write the book for? Who are your audience?

Originally, I wrote it for my daughters. As a parent, my biggest fear is that my kids won't know how to work hard because we work and work to try to create a life that takes away the adverse situations that we grew up with. Every parent's goal is, “I want to create a better life for my kids.” My big fear in that is that you also take away the lessons that were learned through that adversity, the lessons that you learn through those hardships where you had to innovate and become who you are and how do you teach that to your children? I started writing down these stories that you normally wouldn't share at the dinner table and never would come up in conversation to show them like, “This is how we got here. This was the path that led to all of these decisions and values, this is where this came from.”

As I started to write it and pull those stories out, I realized, “This isn't something that's going to be helpful to my daughters. This is something I should share with more people.” My goal was to find people and show them, “You don't need to be boxed in. You're more than what your resume says. You can make this life how you want it, but you have to be willing to put in the work.”

There's lots of work, especially in the mind. People say, “Work hard.” That's not enough. You have to work on your mind as you're working those hard things because this can ruin your hard work up here.

People misconceive that because when you think, “Work hard,” you think about somebody who works from 6:00 AM to 8:00 PM, that's not the path, in my opinion. It comes holistically. Like how do you push yourself physically? How do you push yourself spiritually and mentally? The other things will come because you're working on yourself as a person. You're working on that growth, working on pushing yourself into those uncomfortable spaces so that you can get closer and closer to this person. There’s purpose and hunger you have inside. The success part will come. It'll show. That's been proven to me over and over again.

Can a parent buy this for their kids? Is it written for kids? You said it's for your daughters, but is it or did you change it and write it for adults?

I think your target audience is probably anywhere from 15 to 50. It's probably a good read once you hit that early high school age. I would love to be able to put this into a forum that's good for my kids who are 2 and 3 years old, but that's a project for another day.

Parenting Advice

It's coming up. For parents who are reading, how can they create opportunities for their kids to push beyond that comfort part and push it where they can test their determination?

I'm not going to pretend to be the expert in parenting because I am still new in this game.

Let's see what you got.

I will tell you that the two things that my wife and I have agreed on are that anytime our kids will come to us and say, “I want to give this a shot,” we're going to meet them enthusiastically and say, “Let's go after it.” 2) If they sign up for something, they have to finish it. If they start it, they're going to finish it. That's it. Show them to finish what they start, encourage them to try new things, and meet them enthusiastically about it because a lot of times when we want to try things and we get hit with these barriers you go to your parents, say, “I want to do this. I want to try this. I want to go for this job,” if we meet them negatively, they're never going to try it then they'll be less apt to try things in the future. I want my girls to try everything, but I want them to finish what they start.

Uncomfortable Spaces

How are you helping people now in your life? How did you find your purpose? It seems like you have.

I'm still pushing myself into those uncomfortable spaces. I'm still pursuing this because the thing that I've realized at this point in my life is the more that I speak, the more that I get out, the more that people read this story, the more podcasts I get on, the more stages I get on, the more people I have the ability to impact, the more people that get to hear my story. If maybe I talk to a room full of 100 or 1,000 and 1 person hears something that clicks with them, that helps them at that moment, that's all I want. My whole goal right now is how I help impact more and more people. What's shown to me is to keep speaking. Stop holding yourself back and keep pushing yourself into those uncomfortable spaces.

This is your new uncomfortable space. You've already been the Ironman, that's not any more hard.

I didn't even have an Instagram a few months ago. I had zero internet footprint. Being out here and sharing personal stories was very outside of my comfort zone. It was something I had to practice, something I had to learn, something I had to get comfortable with. When I realized that me telling those stories could maybe help you or help somebody else, then it made it seem selfish for me to keep all of those inside.

Especially I think young boys, even my seventeen-year-old son, would tell me like, “We have a very good relationship,” but he would tell me, “I don't want to share my feelings.” I'm like, “Tell me.” I would be joking and asking him and he is like, “No, leave me alone. I don't want to talk about my feelings.” Something about voice and feelings always don't want to go in there. He said, “I don't need therapy.” I said, “I'm not a therapist. I'm not going to give you therapy.” He always walks or runs away from me when it comes to feelings. Everything else he'll talk about, but sharing feelings is hard. Was that like that for you as a man?

For sure, because we paint this idea of what a man should be, this stoic, manly man figure of what a man should be. As a young man or boy, that's what you pursue. You pursue this person who's strong, athletic, and doesn't have hurt feelings so then it hinders your ability to share, open up, and connect. I was no different. I hit all of those benchmarks. I boxed in college. I went into special warfare. I hit the normal things that you like, “Check, manly man.” What I wasn't doing was I wasn't opening up, sharing, or connecting with other people.

We were not put in this world to be isolated and stoic. We were put on this world to connect and help and grow and move forward together as humanity, as people. That doesn't happen when you are this isolated stoic figure that people can't approach. That happens when you open yourself up. You share and connect and then people want to come talk to you and say, “How can I help you? How can we work together to better the world?”

We are not put in this world just to be isolated. We are here to connect, grow, and move forward together as humanity.

Environment Of Encouragement

How can a parent like myself, open my son to tell me some of his feelings? I have daughters who don't stop speaking because if it's all feelings and then here's my son who won't even tell me anything. He's like, “I'm fine. Don't worry.”

I think what you're doing already is amazing because I got to meet your son and you're exposing him to more and more men out there. You get to change this idea of what a man should be because now he's getting images and getting to meet different men in the world that somebody along the way is going to click for him and he's going to be like, “That's somebody I want to be with.” You're doing such an amazing job at exposing him to them because he's getting to meet people that normal seventeen-year-old kids don't. As a young man, you start to develop this rolodex of traits and people that you like and you think that you want to pull from you're doing an amazing job at showing him great men already.

Thank you. What other wars another parent can bring their sons to talk to young sons? How did you come out of that? Is it through your life?

I didn't hit that until I was much older. That didn't happen as a kid. I wish I could tell you the answer.

What would've helped you at that time? Is there anything that would've helped you?

Having that en environment of encouragement, understanding that there was nothing that I could have brought to my parents that would've gotten shot down or degraded, would've made for a more sharing environment. I didn't have that. There wasn't a lot of sharing. We didn't talk about feelings. I didn't tell you about what I was trying to be or what I wanted to be because I knew what the answers were. I didn't want to give the wrong answer and tell you that I wanted to be a professional ice skater because I knew that would immediately get shot down. The answer that I had to come up with was I wanted to go to school and get into Computer Science. I wanted to enlist in the military, like things that I knew would be accepted if we create an environment where our kids are open and aren't fearful of our response, then my hope is that they'll share more.

If we create an environment where children are open and are not fearful, they will be able to share more.

That's what you're doing for your daughters?

I'm trying my best.

You're already doing it because you said earlier when they come to you accept it, encourage them, and get them to finish what they started because kids do need that guidance because at that age, when they're growing up, when things get hard they pull back. As parents, we have to say that determination stays with what you started to finish and see what you can take away from it. You're already doing it exactly what you didn't have. That's amazing. Those are what your values are for your kids and your family. How did your wife help you with all this? Are there some parts that you said you were not connected to? Does that connection come through falling in love and finding the right person?

I think love is work. I don't think it's like fan fantasy happens. As I've opened up and become more and more vulnerable to my wife, that's grown us closer and closer together. She's my rock. You'll see at every single Ironman race I've ever done, she's been there with my daughters. I went to speak. I was hosting this event. I was the emcee and every time I got off stage, I went right back to my wife because I was trying to pour myself out emotionally and be there for the audience. I needed her to emotionally recharge I would go up to her and I said, “I want a hug.”

Our good friend, Will, pointed this out. He said, “I noticed every single time you got off stage, you went straight to your wife. It was very clear that she was your rock.” She is because I allowed myself to be vulnerable to her, I allowed myself to give me to her fully. It's allowed me to propel because I have her there. No matter what happens, I know she's there because I fully committed myself to her.

Up Next

It's beautiful energy work. Energy in. Energy out. What's next for you? What's coming up? What do you see in the future?

I'm focused on pushing myself out there because it's still uncomfortable for me to speak and share because I'm used to as a kid getting shut down and met with that negative energy when you would share too much. I'm still working on pushing that out. Writing and publishing the book helped that because it's already out there. Anybody could buy it on Amazon and read all these stories that I've been scared to share, but the world has shown me over and over again. The more that I share, the more that I talk, the more stages I get on, and the more people I get to positively impact. That's my entire goal is how can I do this I can impact more and more people. I need to speak more.

I want to hear you share more about your determination because you look determined. Your look everything shines. Determination is the word. I’m resonating with your presence here. Maybe for the young people and the people, men who you're going to encourage. Showing them how to find that determination because it's hard. That's what pulls us all back into our shells and close because I don't see myself doing it.

That's why I said you have to know that you're more than your resume. You're so much more than what you could ever fit on a piece of paper. That piece of paper will never show the person who worked 30 hours a week during high school, the person who paid their way through college, the single mom who raised two kids while working and still pursuing her own dreams. That stuff doesn't show on a resume, but that's the sauce. That's the thing that makes you, you. Why would you ever accept this one page as the limit of what you're capable of? Know you're capable of so much more.

That's why even in an elevator pitch, everybody would say, I've never mastered that because I'm like, “I'm going to say what resonates at that time.” That's my pitch. I'm not going to pitch anyone because I don't need to. I've always told this to, and like everybody says, “What's your elevator pitch?” I'm like, “I'm not going to do so.”

“I'm so bad at it.”

I don't want one though. Why should it be always the same? What about that day? How I feel in the presence of you is different than how I'm going to feel in the presence of someone else. We're all energy. The energy change. I'm going to have to change it. I can't say robotically you have this one thing that I say to everyone. I change all the time. Whatever my mind says is what's going to come.

Sometimes when people ask me what I do, I'm like, “I have no idea. What do you mean what do I do? Are you talking to me?”

“I'm sharing my stories. That's what I do.” It's a big thing to share about yourself. Writing a book helped me a lot. When I was able to get it off me, then I saw the power of how others can read that and get value out of it too. I grew up in a very bad family my father is an alcoholic and my mother was very powerless in his presence. Life was hard. All of that is what makes us.

The lessons that you take along the way.

Looking Back

One more thing that you said in the book that resonated with me is that you want to show your daughters that your life may be wonderful and nice because I'm creating that for you, but you still need to know about adversity.

You have to know where you come from. I started my own business. I was working as a COO of a $24 million company. I had reached this pinnacle of what we work towards in the school system. I hit all the check marks. I went to a great college. I got my MBA and then I stopped. I worked my way up until I was an executive and then I quit. I started my own job and I got met with a lot of discouragement for doing that because I hit everything that everyone says you're supposed to do.

My grandmother who brought her family here from Egypt, who fought to start a food truck in the middle of Philadelphia where she sold Middle Eastern food until it got so popular that it was on the front page of the Philadelphia Inquirer pulled me aside and said, “I know what you're doing is difficult. I want to let you know that I'm proud of you because it's important.” It's important to know where you come from. I wanted to tap into that. I'm like, “That was what I wanted to come because I came from that woman who came here from Egypt in the ‘70s.”

My life was like that when we moved to Canada when I was six years old.

Imagine if your son never knew everything that you accomplished to get to this point, but now that he does, he gets to go about life knowing that he has that power in him because it came from you.

It grounds him for who he is and what he has. It’s powerful. We can buy your book on the Amazon. We can find you on Instagram. Is there anywhere else they can listen to you?

That's your best bet. We're getting ready to launch a podcast. I called it Now, What? We will talk to people who built things up, like going into special warfare professional athletes, but then had to start over. How do you take all of that energy that got you that success in the first place and then channel that to something different? That'll start to be seen on YouTube. Instagram and Amazon are your best places.

Training For IRONMAN

Young boys need to hear that podcast that you're going to create and the book can as well. Lots of young boys need to have some role models. You're saying it after doing all of this, “I've done all of this.” I wanted to ask about Ironman. Can anyone go into becoming an Ironman? Do you just sign up?

Anyone can. Just sign up and get a bike. Go after.

How much do you train before you do the event?

I've done four Ironman events. I have never really put a lot of training into them up until this point. I am a very stubborn individual. If I start something, I'm going to finish it commitment. I didn't properly go about racing these before, but I am now. Now I have a good coach who helps me train and get ready for the races that I have because before I figured out what I could do out of stubbornness, now I want to see what I'm capable of. My theme and purpose is, “I want to know what I'm capable of. Let me figure out how to push that envelope further in everything.”

Does that mean mastering the time, getting less of that time?

Mastering time for sure because usually, my workouts are 1 to 2 hours a day. I have to figure out, “Where am I going to fit in the 2 or 4-hour bike and dialing that calendar to make sure those things happen?”

How does one stay committed? Let's say someone's young is reading our conversation and they're like, “I like to try Ironman.”

Come on out. You can come and join.

It takes to stay committed to that.

You have to know why you're doing it. You have to know why you're going after anything. I had a hard moment where I felt like I was failing in everything. I felt like I was failing in Ironman training because I felt like I wasn't doing enough. I was failing in business because my business wasn't hitting the numbers that I had thought it would by now. I felt like I was failing as a husband because I was distracted by all this other stuff that I wasn't present as a husband and father. I felt like in every aspect I was failing. I had to stop myself I put on my headphones as I lay on the ground. I listened to a song that grounds me and brought me back.

Determination And Discipline

When I got up from that, I went to the whiteboard and started writing out. I said one question on the whiteboard, “Why are you doing this? What are you doing all of this for?” For me it was to find out what I'm capable of and to find out what I have in me then I wrote that out into, “If I'm pursuing that, what are these different checkpoints that I can hit? What does that mean in Ironman? What does that mean in business? What does that mean as a father? These are all the checkpoints and what are the things that I need to do to make this happen?” I wrote down all the action steps, but I had to stare it in the face and say, “Why am I doing this? I want to find out what I'm capable of. I know I could already hit all the checkpoints that school teaches you. I want to know what's beyond that.”

Thank you for sharing that. That's powerful because a lot of people tend to put on this wall and pretend like everything is okay, “I got everything covered. Social media, my stage, and my life is covered. I'm a good dad and husband,” but then we can't share when we're not good because if we share it might look like we're falling apart.

You need to know the ups and downs because if you want to climb this mountain if your goal is to be at the top of the peak, you're going to hit a lot of boulders. You're going to have to go up a lot of hills. It's going to be difficult.

Closing Words

What's your last advice to parents who are reading?

To parents, love your children every day. That's the most important thing. I'm not a psychologist, but when you look at any adult problems that we run into, any hindrances that you see in people a lot of times, and it always goes back to their childhood. Were they loved? Were they encouraged? Every single day, and I stole this from a good friend of mine, I tell my girls, “I love you. You are amazing. You are beautiful.” I had to correct my daughter the other day. She's like, “I'm beautiful because I'm dressed up.” I said, “No, you are beautiful. You are amazing.” I love you I tell them both that every single time so they know.

Our self is created during those early years, especially the first five years. It’s so critical. How old are your daughters?

2 and 3.

Keep saying those things. That's powerful.

Everyday.

It's beautiful. Thank you for being here. Good luck with everything. I know you're going to be going big and helping a lot of people. You have determination. No one can stop you and you're figuring out what are you capable of. Together, there's nothing to stop.

Thanks for having me.

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Episode Summary

That was an amazing conversation with Justin. He has been in many things. One of the things that after I read all about him was determination. He does not give up. He's pushing even further what he is capable of when we are pushing, what are we capable of to that next level, Ironman, being on the Air Force and all these things he has done pushing it even further, I can only imagine. I wanted to bring him because there are many lessons that we could take for our own kids.

That's why I was asking him about how we help our sons who cannot talk about their feelings. You can see he's even learning how to express himself and allow him to talk about his feelings and his childhood because it is hard for us to talk about it, especially girls. We tend to share a lot of feelings. As I'm noticing with my son, even he doesn't want to share feelings because he doesn't feel it's appropriate for a man to share feelings. We only talk. We don't share feelings, but that's not right because if that's how they feel, they're going to bottle all this up and they'll never know how to connect in their relationships.

They'll never know how to be the right parent. We have to open this up for our sons. How do we do it? It's a great way to look at what he was saying is we need to explore. We need to accept when they're coming to us. We need to make sure that we give them space and allow them to express themselves and not be judgmental because his parents, as he was growing up, he knew what he needed to say. If he said anything that they were not expecting, they would not like it.

He learned what to say, and what they wanted to hear. We don't want our sons or daughters to grow up like that, where they're coming and talking to us and telling us what we want to hear. I don't know if you had that conversation. I have it with my son and I can tell when he's saying things I want to hear. I tell him, “I don't want you to tell me what I want to hear. I want you to tell me what you're really feeling.” This is good. People like Justin coming out from being in the Air Force, doing the Ironman and doing all these things, coming out and being a very successful entrepreneur and sharing their ups and downs he even said, shared in the last part of that conversation, how he thought he wasn't the best.

He wasn't doing everything right. He was doing things wrong, but then he needed to ground himself and go back to what helped him and he was able to find clarity in all aspects. We can't just focus on one aspect of our life. I am even learning that myself. We have to pay attention to all aspects of our lives because one sacrifice doesn't get you to win the other area. It will damage that area as well. We need to find a balance, draw boundaries, and ask ourselves, “What do I want at the end of the day?” As parents, the same thing.

I loved what he said. Even though he grew up in a split family, he has forgiven his mom. That's amazing because, for forgiveness, he was able to be the best dad for his daughters. He's able to connect because when we don't forgive, we keep these regrets. That's why forgiveness is important. Forgiveness and forgetfulness are important because the more we do that, our space in our brain becomes freed up and we can create new memories with the people that we have now versus people we had in the past who have nothing to offer us anymore. There's no point in keeping those memories and taking up our storage.

I always think of our brain as a computer with limited storage. If I use that up, I can't put more of the new things in so I have to delete them. For me, forgetting and forgiving are important. For useless things that happened to us in the past, and that's haunting me. I don't want any of that taking up my storage. If we start talking to our brains like that, we are going to be empowered. You can empower your children too. Don't waste memory. Delete, organize, and keep what's important. Be here today. The present is so important.

Being present is hard now because we have so much distraction that can take our attention away and that's looking for attention. That's why important to have family time, dinner time, walk and talk time, and drive and talk time. Create these special times when you can bond with your kids and always tell them how much you love and appreciate them for being with you because they're a gift to us. Our children are a gift to us.

The last thing I wanted to say is establishing family routines. Did you notice how Justin started off and how his face was bright when he was explaining this tradition that his dad did to take him to the airport and watch the planes take off? That also gave him the drive to become who he became because he looked up to his dad as well, because we are our kids' role models, then he's now doing that with his kids and his father.

How beautiful is that outing going to the airport and how much his daughters are learning from this experience is amazing. That's why I love traditions. I love things that we establish as a family that we do and then we feel like they're not a big deal, but then when we grow up, that's what we remember. Those are the things. That's why story times are important to watching TV together, reading together, eating together, walking, going into the forest, and creating something that you do on a weekly basis or daily basis, that establishes a routine that we look forward to. When we become adults, we think about it and that becomes an example for our own kids as well. Thank you for reading and I'll see you on another episode.

Important Links

• Never Outworked: Stepping Into The Light

• Instagram - Justin Loutfy

About Justin Loutfy

Justin Loutfy is a dynamic force bridging personal development, entrepreneurship, and unyielding determination. With a background in special warfare, authorship of 'Never Outworked: Stepping into the Light,' and expertise as a personal development, business, and real estate coach, he embodies relentless growth. As an IRONMAN competitor and devoted father, Justin brings balance and holistic growth to his coaching, resonating with aspiring entrepreneurs, those in transitional phases, and seekers of personal betterment.